We’ve just returned from visiting our baby girl in Haiti, and we have found that her name is indeed “Lovely.” So, we’re moving to a new blogsite! This one just doesn’t suit her anymore. You can find us at http://ourlovely.wordpress.com/ .
The days are ticking down, and we’re just about ready to go! I have almost everything packed for Haiti, but haven’t yet started packing the kids for Grandma’s and Grandpa’s. The babies will be spending the week at my mom’s and the boys will be at my dad’s. I’m sure they’ll all enjoy all the special attention.
I’m still working on getting everything to fit (and weigh in right) in our suitcases. The 50 pound limit per bag is making me crazy. I keep packing, weighing and repacking – shifting things between the bags so that they’re not over the weight limit. It’s $50 for each bag over the limit, and $150 to bring an extra bag. I mean really! And just how are people supposed to weigh these giant bags? You should see me on a bathroom scale trying to hold one of those enormous bags and keep still long enough for the digital scale to come up with some number. Geesh!
On another note, I found this great, little book recently that was made specifically for adoptive parents and has key phrases in Haitian Creole (which is a mixture of French and African languages). I’ve been practicing. Here are a few to try:
I love you. Mwen renmen ou. (Mwihn rayn-mayn oo.)
It’s OK. Tout bagay byen. (Toot bah-gahee bee-ihn.)
Are you hungry? Ou pa grangou? (Oo pah grahn-goo?)
As we prepare to leave, we would appreciate prayer for Madeline’s adjustment to her week with us, that it would be a special and happy time that would be impactful for her, and that all of our hearts will be protected and at peace when it’s time for us to part. We are also praying that the paperwork would progress at lightening speed and that we’ll be able to bring her home soon. Thank you all for your encouragement and support – it means so much to us. We’ll try to post some pictures from Haiti if we’re able to.
I have been working on our packing list for Haiti. This will be our first “Parent Trip” and the first time we will hold our little one. (This is just a visit – we won’t be able to bring her home for another year probably.) We’ll need to take just about everything imaginable with us, and it’s all been very overwhelming. I’ve just finished compiling a list (from a number of sources) that includes everything from diapers and duct tape to water kettle and scabies cream (for lice, if like me, you didn’t know). There are a lot of things on the list that we have, and a lot that will need to be bought. I’m feeling a bit stressed out, as I know the days will probably fly by. And as the days count down, I’m getting more excited to see her, (and more nervous about leaving my little nursling, Braeler.)
Today we received an email about our little darling. They must be gathering all her documents (birth certificate, etc.) for her dossier right now, as they have just discovered that they made a mistake on the referral form they originally sent us. They have been calling her by the wrong name! The name on her birth certificate is actually … Lovely. It is so fitting for her – she is lovely. And it is just another little assurance from God for me, as I have been praying for her lately as “my lovely one.” It makes me smile. So … Madeline? Lovely? We’ll see what they have been calling her in Haiti once we get there, and what suits her best. For now, she is definitely “our lovely one.”
While it’s easy to focus on all the details of what is happening right now – medical exams, social histories, paperwork – my heart can’t move from one terrible aspect of this process – the relinquishment papers. This is the time that Madeline’s birth mother must sit down with a social worker and listen to the explanation of what she is doing – giving away her baby.
Her name is Mariane Etienne and she is 35 years old. She lives in Jeremie, Haiti, a small and impoverished sea-side town. She has seven children – 4 daughters and 3 sons. Mariane has no occupation; She stays home with her children. There is no father in their life. She literally cannot take care of or feed her children, and so, when Madeline was three months old, she had to make a terrible decision. Madeline was starving and close to death. She had kept her for as long as she could, and then the day came when she had to take her to the orphanage so that she would not die in her arms. She left her there, with strangers, so that she would have a chance to live, and went home with empty arms. I can see her tear-stained face. I can feel the anguish.
And now, six months later, she will be sitting with a social worker who will ask her if she knows what she is doing and if she wants to give her baby away forever. She will know that there is a wonderful life waiting for her far away, but still she will have to say the words and sign the papers. My heart breaks as I know hers does.
I know that the orphanage takes every measure to keep families together, but there are times when it is impossible. This is the case for Madeline. I have been told that parents bang on car windows as they drive towards the airport, begging foreigners to take their children with them to a place where they can live and hope. The agony of this nation is heavy and I am overwhelmed.
Now that our “parent” file has been “legalized,” Madeline’s file has to be compiled, and then joined together with ours to form one large file. I’m hoping that the orphanage (which is responsible for compiling all of this) has already been working on these items for some time – but the general timeframe given is 2-8 weeks from now. Here is an explanation of what they are now working on:
“The dossier portion includes the social history on the child which is prepared by a Haitian Social Worker, a Psychologist report, a Medical report and a Lab Report is made. The social worker interviews the birth parents to not only get the family’s history, but to also ensure that the birth parent understands what adoption is. For some cases this step can take a while because some families or mothers live out of the PAP area and travel is always challenging and can take a long time.
For the Psychological report, the child sees a psychologist who conducts different developmental testing with the child.
The Medical Report and Lab Report is basically a standard physical exam and all children are tested for HIV and other illnesses. Most orphanages also test the birth mother for HIV (though that test does not become part of the dossier).
Additionally, the child’s birth certificate, parent’s death certificate or relinquishment papers are added to the dossier at this time. Also, any birth or death certificates have to have Archive Papers (certification) attached to the document if the certificate is less than one year old. This certificate is called a “half-page” and certifies that the signature on the birth certificate and/or death certificate corresponds with the signature of the official who signed it.
If the birth or death certificate is more than one year old, then a “full-page” Archive has to be applied for at the Archive Office. This office types the information from the registry book onto a full page document. This “full-page” replaces the hand-written birth or death certificate.
Sometimes, obtaining a full-page Archive Document can take a long time, even months. Most recently, the Archive Office has changed its stamp and is also using a computer instead of hand typing the documents. This new stamp is supposed to be “fraud proof”. It is yellow in appearance on the paper. It replaced the old blue ink stamp.”
When all the papers are back from Legalization and the Ministry of Foreign Affairs (as ours now is), and Madeline’s paperwork is finished, the dossier is prepared for the National Office of Social Welfare (IBESR) and sent to the lawyer.
Our orphanage uses a lawyer to put together the IBESR dossier for submission, along with the help of one of the orphanage directors. They comb through every document looking for the slightest typo, which, if not caught, could add months to the process to correct later. The dossier consists of one original document dossier and three copy dossiers. We’re praying that this step will conclude quickly – we’re hoping our file will be finished and into IBESR by the time we arrive in Haiti, four weeks from now!
Three weeks ago we were told that our file should be coming out of the office of the Minister of Foreign Affairs (MFA) any day. And then we waited, and waited, and heard nothing except news of all the hurricanes heading for Haiti on TV. I was feeling anxious about the hurricanes, and Madeline’s safety. I wondered if she was afraid. Was someone was holding her when she cried?
And as the weeks kept passing, my hope that our adoption file would somehow fly through the process became obviously unrealistic. I was thinking it might only be nine months until she was home. Even though our file was just a few weeks longer than expected, the weeks of no news jolted me back to the realization that if I allow myself to hope for less than two years, I’ll probably be setting myself up for more disappointment and heartache than is already in store. In truth, I’m worried about how this journey will affect me. I feel like I’m standing at the edge of a desert that goes on farther than I can see, and it’s time to start walking, hoping that I make it to water on the other side.
But today is a good day! The hurricanes have passed (for now) and everyone is safe – and we are out of MFA! All of the documents that we had to have notarized here, then sent to Sacramento to be apostilled, then authenticated by the Haitian Consulate in the U.S., now had to be taken to the Minister of Foreign Affairs for further legalization. They “legalize” the signature of the Haitian Consular Officer that legalized our dossier at the foreign Haitian Embassy. Our signatures are really our signatures – quadruple checked.
Now our “parent” file can be added to Madeline’s file to form one, large adoption file. This is a process that can take (I’m told) 4-12 weeks and is done by the orphanage. Hopefully, all will go smoothly and quickly!
Here’s a question that we’re asked – or that is on people’s minds – often. “You have four children now, and one of them is just three months old … So why adopt? Why Haiti? And why now?” The answer is pretty simple – because it’s God’s plan for us, and no doubt, for Madeline. Here’s our story:
Adoption is always something that has been on our hearts, and in the back of our minds. Before we first began trying to get pregnant, we looked into becoming foster parents and thought about domestic adoption. In the end, it was clear to us that the time was not right, and so the topic of adoption moved to the back of our minds as something for “later.”
At the beginning of January 2008, while I was pregnant with our 4th baby, Braeler, “later” came. Our church, Oceanside Christian Fellowship is a big supporter of adoption, and held an “adoption day” one Sunday. Our very good friends, the Markmillers, who themselves have adopted internationally, shared their story that day. As we were driving home, Bryan turned to me and said, “We’re supposed to adopt now, aren’t we?” I replied, “Yep, but I wasn’t going to say anything until you did.” Bryan, who had never envisioned a large family as a young man, needed time and lots of confirmation from God to wrap his head around the idea, although his heart had always been there. Confirmation came quickly and often over the next couple weeks in a number of forms. Here are some of them:
We had no idea where we were supposed to adopt from. Then suddenly, Haiti kept “popping up” in different ways. Haiti, a country we had never talked (or even knew anything much) about suddenly was everywhere – in a conversation overheard, in the chance meeting of a stranger from that country, in an online search for something completely different, in a random reference during a brainstorm at work, on a CD in Starbucks with the words “proceeds go to Haiti” across the cover, and in many other little ways. After a number of days, it became strangely obvious that perhaps God was moving our attention toward Haiti.
Bryan had just received an airline travel award for a free flight within the continental US from the Children Affected by AIDS Foundation that he had done volunteer work with. “I wonder if that ticket will take you to Haiti,” I asked him expectantly. Of course it shouldn’t have, but when we checked with the airline, we (and the airline representative) were supprised to find out that it would. In addition, American Airlines is the only airline to fly to Haiti, and all of Bryan’s frequent flier miles are on that airline, so that I can fly free as well.
I started looking up information about international adoption agencies online, and the first that I came across was a relatively small agency called Partners for Adoption. I knew from the moment their webpage opened that this was to be our agency. I just knew. It turned out that they were starting a Haitian adoption program, for which we could be the first family.
We were convinced that we were being called to adopt from Haiti, and so we began doing research to find our more about the country and its children. What we found out was shocking and distressing. (See the page “Photo Essay of the Suffering of Haitian Children” in the left margin for more – but be prepared for disturbing images.) Our hearts were broken for the people of Haiti, and we knew there was no turning back.
I felt a sense of urgency and contacted the adoption agency the next day by email. (The next day was the day Madeline was born, though we knew nothing of it at the time.) We submitted our initial application, and waited to hear back. We shared with friends in our Bible study how we felt God leading us. The next day we received news back, and it was not good. Adoption from Haiti was impossible. New laws would be going into effect that would prohibit families with more than two biological children from adopting from Haiti, and nothing could be done. The door had closed.
We felt confused, and wondered if we’d gotten things wrong. We had just told friends what was going on, and now we had to tell them the door closed. What did this mean? Then we remembered how God had worked in our lives in the past. He’d closed a door before, only to open another one in an impossible way so that we would know for certain that He had been in control. We trusted that this was the situation again, and waited to see how He would make the impossible possible.
Seven weeks later, I got a call from the adoption agency. “There is a window of opportunity if you can get your dossier to Haiti immediately.” We had just eleven days until Braeler would be born to get our homestudy and dossier papers together – nearly impossible. But we did, with a few exceptions, and we had our homestudy interview with the social worker the day before Braeler was born.
Everything moved quickly, and our dossier finally arrived in Haiti. Then we got an email saying that we would not be able to adopt the baby girl we had felt called to adopt – instead an older little girl would be referred to us. We told them to wait - because we knew there was a little girl meant for us. We were told it could be many months, and I worried that we were missing that “window” where paperwork was moving quickly.
I realized that the flight award that Bryan had received would be expiring in mid-October, with no way to extend the expiration date. I started searching for the dates of the next orphanage organized “parent trip” and thought perhaps January would be the next scheduled trip. Finally, I realized that there was a trip in October, and I started asking if we could go. “Impossible,” I was told. “Maybe the next trip, but this one was already filled, and we would have needed to have an accepted referral to be able to go anyway.” I was disheartened, but then we remembered that God works best through the impossible. The ticket had been a confirmation, and so we were sure we would be able to use it.
A week later, while on vacation, we got a call. We had been referred Madeline, and we could definately visit her in October. It turns out, the travel award expires just two days after the parent trip returns. Perfect timing.
No doubt there will be other bumps and turns on this road, and even times when a door may close or something may become “impossible.” But God loves making things perfect out of the impossible.
We just received our referral for our beautiful baby girl – Madeline Etienne Benedict. She is 6 1/2 months old, born January 12, 2008 in Jeremie, Haiti. She was admitted to the orphanage in April, and is described by the orphanage coordinator as “Sweet, curious and a snuggle bug. She loved being held and was NOT happy with me when I put her down. She loves her food and ate very well!” She is tiny – only 21.5 inches tall and 11 pounds. It will be a long road ahead, consisting of waiting and praying. We expect that it will take 12-24 months from now before she is home. Fortunately, we should be able to meet her soon, when we visit her in Haiti in October. We cannot wait to hold her tight! (Check out the pages that show the adoption process, and where we are on our time line.)
